Threads of Life service 'gave me the courage to sit with my pain' says grieving mother
In 1999, Lynda Kolly’s life changed forever. Her son, Burton Reimer, was just 17 years old, and starting a new job on a commercial fishing vessel on Lake Winnipeg. On day one, it sank, and he drowned.
“There was nowhere for me to go in those in those first two, three years, where I was trying to get the answers that I wanted, and just running up against these brick walls,” explains Kolly.
Her son wasn’t provided a life jacket or a whistle, which could have prevented the incident. Now, 24 years later, Kolly is a volunteer family guide with Threads of Life, helping people navigate grief after losing a loved one to a workplace tragedy.
“We're not replacing a professional, but what we are doing is just being that listening ear for somebody else,” says Kolly, “and they know I've been through that, I've been in their position, I've had a similar experience.”
Richel is a mother that Kolly is helping. She recently lost her son, also to a workplace drowning. “Having Lynda to talk to has provided me with a safe place to talk about my grief,” says Richel.
Both Kolly and Richel describe friends and family in their lives who want to help and be supportive but are unable to cope with the uncomfortable nature of grief. They both talk about expectations that life will go on and return to normal, and that just doesn’t happen. Instead, they create a new normal centred around healing.
“Initially when I was in the deep depths of my pain Lynda was a beacon of hope, she was able to reassure me that what I was feeling at that time wasn’t going to last forever,” explains Richel. “At some point it would not be as intense. As the immense pain lessened, our talks become more about how to navigate the tough days like holidays and anniversaries.”
With the holiday season upon us, Threads of Life has launched a fundraising campaign to support its volunteer family guide program. Money raised will be used to help train guides, like Kolly, and it’s conducted by staff at the non-profit organization.
“They talk about active listening skills with a real emphasis on self care,” explains Lorna Catrambone, director of development for Threads of Life. “It can be very emotional for them to be hearing these stories from other people that may raise things they may have felt were sort of settled in them and their own emotions.”
Kolly says it’s not easy experiencing the intense feelings associated with deep, long-lasting grief. “Over the years, I've found I'm more capable of holding space for their needs and their emotions without my own experience sort of overlapping and getting involved,” says Kolly, and that’s because of the training she has received. “Threads of Life is great in in providing support for me if I need it, because it's not easy.”
Kolly is helping deliver a service rooted in the worst experience a parent can live through. But for someone like Richel, it’s a critical lifeline that only someone with a shared experience can provide.
“I am so thankful for Lynda’s courage and strength to open her heart and be with me in my grief,” says Richel. “I was a complete stranger, yet you accepted me without judgement. Your message, I have been where you are, you are going to get through this was the greatest gift because you gave me the courage to sit with my pain, the courage to take the steps I needed to begin to heal.”
Threads of Life is currently assisting about 3,600 Canadians impacted by a workplace tragedy. It’s asking for your help with the healing.
